Katie Lukensmeyer MSW, LCSW, CCTP
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
“Happy Holidays!” The phrase we’re hearing more frequently as we head into this November. Many are filled with happiness and joy while others are feeling dreadful and sad. It is around this time of year when many clients come to session speaking of their distaste for the holidays and saying things like, “I can’t wait for the holidays to be over.” A time for togetherness, family, and joy can quickly begin to feel like a thousand pound weight when celebrations “look differently this year.”
When events occur like the passing of a loved one, divorce/separation, estrangement of relationships, or the loss of a job, this cheerful season may not be feeling as cheerful. Here are a few tips to make the most of the next couple months.
1. Acknowledge the difference and change, whatever it may be. Whether it is with immediate family, a friend, or therapist, acknowledging out loud that this season is different can allow you to feel less alone. It’s not about the other person solving the problem for you, but making the situation less overwhelming within your mind.
2. If the change is the loss of a loved one, especially if this is the first holiday without them, create a plan to honor this person prior to the actual day. Often times, the lead-up to the day can feel more sorrowful than the actual day itself. Planning a way to honor them does not have to be a grand gesture, it can be something more intimate that involves just yourself or one or two others. Lighting a candle and saying a few words, writing a small note and placing it somewhere you gather with others, taking a walk outside to intentionally honor the love you shared with that person, or say a few words before sharing a meal. There are many ways to honor the time and holidays you did shared with this person, and there are no wrong ways to do so.
3. If the recent change impacts young children, such as divorce, financial strain, or estranged family members, set aside time to talk with them about this change. It is very likely they are feeling the change as well but may not feel comfortable being it up. Set aside time to talk with them before the day. Open the dialogue by acknowledging the difference this year followed by statements of comfort and support. Ask questions and normalize however they may be feeling. Children can often feel confused by change but are also very resilient with love and guidance. This would also be a great topic to discuss further with your therapist.
4. Create new traditions. Again, this can be something small. The idea is to “add something new” to the holiday routine, versus “replacing what used to be.” Go for a holiday drive, watch a specific movie while making a special snack,, take a drive to view holiday decorations, volunteer at a food bank, write letters to loved ones as a family, etc. Being present in these new activities is what’s important.
Whatever the change is this holiday season, remind yourself that this may be an opportunity to do something new. The “new normal” may only be temporary until the next season of change. You may even find this season bringing you peace in unexpected places.