Nanette Thomas Shepardson, M.A., LPC, CADC
Learn more about Nanette and check out some of her videos here
Why can’t I just “chill” like everybody else? Why am I always so anxious or so exhausted and
depressed that I can’t function well? Your nervous system may be struggling to keep up with the new reality of existing in our
present-day world.
For instance, advancements in technology and automation have created a
much more simulated reality. Live person-to-person connection is being replaced or augmented
with texting, emailing, and virtual facetiming.
COVID created a new reality for us. Being ordered to isolate from others and “mask up,” with no viable cure on
the horizon, made being with others a scary a choice to make. On a more personal note,
maybe you experienced some adverse childhood events, a horrific natural disaster, or a loved
one’s suicide, informing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in unproductive ways.
Before we used language to convey our thoughts and feelings, we used our autonomic nervous
system (ANS) and our “emotional brain” or limbic system to communicate the body’s “felt
sense” to others and ourselves. The “felt sense” is the body’s way of informing us what we
sense and feel physically.
When we ignore the “felt sense” for whatever reason, we tend to think more while attempting
to feel less. As a result, the felt sense may seem foreign, unrecognizable, and at times alarming, or
too scary. However, the felt sense can be relentless, and our body, tired of not being listened to,
can signal the nervous system to shut down the brain and take control. It can make us fight off a
perceived enemy, run away to safety, or shut the entire body down.
There are other valid reasons why our body can choose survival mode and why we do so with
such efficiency. However, the survival mode is only one part of our body’s nervous system.
There is another part of our nervous system that helps us organize our thoughts and feelings in
ways that enable us to connect and engage healthfully with others and our world. When in
balance, this internal system works symbolically to manage our thoughts and sense of feeling
so we can connect, survive, and thrive with others in our environment.
How do we learn to balance our thoughts and feelings, to feel less anxious and depressed, and
not only to survive but thrive? One way is to learn to re-engage playfully with yourself and
others.
• First, connect with others. Turn off the noise, the computer, the TV, and the smartphone,
and invite others to come and play a game like Jenga, checkers, chess, or charades. Have a
good time!
• Second, connect with your world, ground yourself, go outside for a walk in the park, sit by
a river, swim in the ocean, a lake, or a stream, and feel alive in your world.
• Third, connect with yourself. Meditate and bring your body along for the ride. Become
curious about sensations that make you afraid, happy, sad, warm, cold, anxious, or excited.
Love and care for “all the things”: thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make you be you!