Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an evidence-based therapeutic technique that abstractly conceptualizes one’s inner psyche into different parts. Just like a family unit, these inner parts all communicate and work together to protect and defend one another, but sometimes the methods of protection are not as helpful as we would prefer.
There can be many different types of parts – parent self, inner child, emotional parts, etc; however, IFS specifically focuses on four specific categories: Managers, Firefighters, Exiles and the Core Self. Let’s break each of these down further:
Managers are proactive parts that participate in our daily functioning. They keep an eye out for any possibilities for deeply painful emotions called Exiles and utilize defense mechanisms to avoid these emotions at all costs. These defense mechanisms are actions that preemptively anticipate our Exile triggers and are developed in response to past traumas and stressors. They can look like perfectionism, control, over-planning, people-pleasing, sacrificing, self-criticism, judgment towards self or others, self-sabotage, etc. Their purpose is to protect the Self by avoiding Exile parts.
Exiles are the deeply painful emotional parts that Managers are trying to protect the Self from experiencing. These are usually deep-seeded emotions that stem from a relatively traumatic experience that shaped our worldview or sense of self, and created a feeling of threat or danger. Some examples can include shame, humiliation, fear, rejection, abandonment, worthlessness, inadequacy, guilt, etc. These often give us a visceral response and can be physically uncomfortable to experience, which is why our Managers work so hard to avoid them.
Firefighters are reactive parts that are activated after an Exile has been triggered in an attempt to self-soothe. Usually, these Firefighters appear as maladaptive coping mechanisms, like addiction, rage/violence, eating disorders, suicidality, dissociation, obsession/compulsion, fantasy, etc. Firefighters provide a false sense of control and appear to put out the mental fire started by an Exile trigger, but in reality they increase the frequency of destructive behaviors and further distance the Self from fully processing Exiles appropriately.
Last but not least, we have the Core Self. When healed, the Core Self serves as a wise part that is able to integrate information coming in and adapt to emotional triggers as they arise. The Core Self engages the other parts with curiosity and compassion, especially Exiles. When life creates stressors, a healed Core Self can lead the other parts through effective mental and emotional processing. When unhealed, the Core Self often takes a back-seat and allows Exiles, Managers and Firefighters to take control, which can wind up damaging our relationships, work life, academic life and overall daily functioning.
Because these concepts can seem confusing and abstract, here’s an example of how these parts can interact in both a healing and unhealed Self:
Stressor: A Breakup
Unhealed: Let’s say someone has a history of feeling shame and worthlessness (Exiles). They may act as a judgmental person or a bully (projection, Managers) in order to distance the Self from those feelings. When they go through something like a breakup and shame and worthlessness are triggered, they may act out in anger or binge-drink (Firefighters) in order to temporarily alleviate some of that distress; however, when they sober up and calm down, they experience even more shame and worthlessness with how they had just behaved. They then turn back to their Managers and Firefighters for comfort and safety, and the cycle continues.
Healing: Someone with a history of feeling shame and worthlessness (Exiles) may experience a breakup and engage in the act of curiosity and distress tolerance (Core Self). They may notice shame and worthlessness come up, but give these parts space to be felt and experienced. They may turn to prosocial and healthy methods of coping, like meditation, journaling, social support, therapy and self-care. They listen to each part and what they have to say, acknowledge that they have been activated, and engage in positive self-love activity to accommodate these parts, instead of shutting them down.
As abstract as it may seem, IFS can be incredibly helpful and beneficial for those who struggle to experience negative emotions as they arise, and struggle to cope both during and after a stressful or traumatic event. Identifying and listening to our parts can be incredibly difficult, but this framework allows for the space, safety and structure to do so. If you are interested in identifying and listening to your parts, be sure to contact a trained professional for guidance and support.