Lauren Hartford M.A., LPC, ALMFT
Learn More about Lauren here and check out her videos
Ah, we have all been here before. As the current year comes to an end and the New Year approaches, we become inundated with thoughts, conversations, media, and advertisements on New Year’s Resolutions.
“I want to lose weight and eat better!”
“I want to go to the gym every day and get fit!”
“I want to save more money.”
“I want to be happier.”
Often, we have great intentions when setting a New Year’s resolution. It’s aligned with our values and needs, and we want to show up for ourselves and others to be better. So why do New Year’s resolutions not work in the long run?
Studies have shown that New Year’s resolutions often don’t make it past February for a number of reasons. One simple reason is that we attempt to make too many changes too quickly that we aren’t used to. When we think about the human brain and neuroplasticity, it often takes anywhere from 60-90 days to form a habit, meaning that we are doing it consistently and almost effortlessly. And that is just one change! So, if we are setting a goal to wake up at 5am daily, go to the gym every day, and change our diet, the resolution has a very small chance of sticking because it’s too many new changes at once.
We also need to take a look at the climate around us. The Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year, marks a time when nature around us slows down, dies back, and enters a period of hibernation. This season itself is a reminder that we, too, deserve time to slow down and reflect. In a world that often prioritizes constant productivity and hustle, the winter months offer an invitation to embrace stillness and quiet. It’s an opportunity for self-care, for nourishing our bodies and minds, and for preparing ourselves for the renewal that comes with the shift into spring. Rather than rushing into the new year with a barrage of ambitious goals and expectations, we can use this time to recharge, reflect, and gather strength. Just as nature takes its time to bloom again, we too can honor our need for rest and introspection. By aligning ourselves with the rhythm of the seasons, we set a foundation for more meaningful and sustainable growth when the time is right.
So, how can we rethink our New Year’s resolutions? My recommendations follow:
1. Reflect During the Winter Solstice
Use the winter solstice to slow down and reflect on the previous year. What were the highlights? What strengths would you like to build on? Are there things that you would like to improve and change? How do they connect with your values? This is an important step in recognizing the goals you may want for yourself in the new year and how they align with your current circumstances. Reflecting helps you focus on what truly matters, rather than rushing into changes based on external pressures or fleeting trends.
2. Think of Habit Formation as a Chain Reaction
Habits have a higher chance of sticking if we “chain” them to an existing habit that is already consistent in our life. For instance, if you already have a routine of drinking a cup of coffee in the morning, you could attach a new habit, like stretching or journaling, right after that action. This chain reaction creates a smoother transition, as the new habit feels less like a radical shift and more like a natural part of your routine. The key is to build on habits you already have, rather than starting from scratch.
3. Make New Goals Measurable
Measurable goals are more likely to succeed. Instead of vague resolutions like “I want to save more money,” break them down into specifics like “I will save $50 a month for the next six months.” This clear, measurable goal gives you concrete steps to track your progress and helps you stay accountable. The more precise you can get about what you want to achieve, the more likely you are to follow through on it. This also allows you to celebrate milestones along the way, reinforcing your motivation.
4. Make New Goals Achievable
Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration and failure. It’s essential to break down bigger goals or habits into smaller, more achievable steps. Want to learn how to run a 10k but haven’t seen a track since high school P.E.? Instead of expecting yourself to jump straight into a rigorous workout routine, start with something more manageable. Maybe that looks like going on a 20-minute walk every day during your lunch break. Small wins build momentum, and gradually, you’ll find yourself capable of taking on more challenging steps.
5. Change Your Language and Allow Yourself Room for Grace
Trying to do something new can be challenging in a busy world. If you set a goal to work out for 30 minutes but can’t get to the gym that day, don’t focus on what you didn’t do. Instead, celebrate what you were able to make happen. For example, “I was happy I could take a 15-minute walk between work and picking up the kids today; tomorrow is a new day.” Not every day will be perfect; perfection isn’t the goal—progress is. The human experience is not flawless, and allowing yourself grace will help you stay motivated through setbacks.
6. Embrace the Process, Not Just the Outcome
We often focus so much on the end goal that we forget to appreciate the journey. Setting resolutions is not just about reaching the destination, but about who you become along the way. Embrace the process of growth, learning, and discovery. Remember, the goal is not to be perfect but to make incremental improvements. By focusing on the process, you’ll stay more engaged and find fulfillment in the small wins, rather than getting discouraged by setbacks or delays.
As we approach the new year, take a moment to reflect on what you truly want to cultivate in your life. Consider making goals that are aligned with your values, realistic in scope, and kind to yourself when things don’t go perfectly. By approaching the new year with intention and patience, you’ll be setting yourself up for long-term success and personal growth. Here’s to making this year the one where you grow, evolve, and enjoy the process.